Creating an Atmosphere of Faith

I’ve been back in California for around six days now.  Up until yesterday, most of my time has been spent sleeping, as well as settling into my temporary home.  My mobile office/recording studio is now ready to go.  I even started to work on finishing up a single I began before moving a few weeks ago.  My goal is to get it out to you all within the next month.

This week has been set aside for much needed rest, even though I did spend an hour recording yesterday [oops].  I plan to hit the ground running next week and move forward with the things God has been burning in my heart.  I am excited and scared to be freelancing—that is the easiest way for me to sum up what I am doing.  [Side note: If any locals are in need of portraits, my camera and I are looking for more gigs!  Contact me for more details.]

So far, I have come to realize that I am even more tired than I thought.  It’s interesting how one often doesn’t know how tired they are until they stop for a moment.  It turns out, I truly needed to sleep and sleep, and sleep some more.  I needed to sit at the Lord’s feet and listen without any distractions.  I am so thankful that He provided me with a safe place to catch my breath and be restored.

It’s odd that most of my possessions can now fit inside one room.  It feels terrific.  During my recent travels, I walked away with a fresh desire to lighten my load and live off of less.  For over two weeks, I lived out of a suitcase and my camera bag.  To the best of my ability, I am aiming to keep my life as minimalistic as possible.  When God tells me it’s time to move on, I want to be able to go quickly and easily.

So, what’s next?  I have some projects to finish up and a vacation to look forward to in September.  You can expect to see a much more consistent flow of new audio and visual content coming from me in the days ahead—now that I am freelancing and making my passions my job!

This being my first week [in quite some time] without the promise of an actual paycheck, I’ve already wrestled with fear once or twice.  One of the keys to winning a match against fear is to make a list [in your head or on paper] of all of the ways God has come through thus far.  Fear cannot survive in an atmosphere of faith.

Another key is to not allow your heart to linger past today.  Don’t allow yourself to worry about tomorrow [Matthew 6:34].  If your focus is fixed on what has not been provided tomorrow, you will miss out entirely on the provisions found in today. [Check out one of my older posts titled, Enough for Today]

Living life in such a way is impossible without His presence.  So, I continue to press into  His presence which never runs out.  It is only in His presence where true faith is born.

Lord, teach me how to create an atmosphere of faith wherever I go.  Let my heart trust in You more than I trust my fears.  Let me be quick to count each blessing and miracle, remembering all that You have done.

 

 

 

 

Hello from Kansas!

This morning I woke up at a truck stop in Emporia, Kansas. By eight o’clock, I had successfully cleaned myself up and had many a conversation with lady truck drivers and fellow travelers. One in particular happened to be from California. We chatted a bit while we brushed our teeth. It felt strange, yet normal.

After living on a shuttle bus for almost two weeks, I feel like I could live anyway and live off of much less than I ever imagined. I can’t help but think that God has been preparing me for this all along, as I reflect and look back at all the steps that have led me here. From all of my mission trips, to my days as a street performer, leaving home, resigning from good paying jobs on a whim, following His light straight into the dark. I am watching in amazement as God uses every experience to strengthen and prepare me for each adventure.

His mercies are new every morning, and He has been supplying me with grace upon grace. As each wall of my comfort zone is stripped away, I find an even greater depth of intimacy with Him. Even in the midst of recuperating from a cold, I have seen His sovereign hand resting upon me. In my moments of exhaustion, He has met me here.

I’m a shower-every-single-day kind of girl. I like my hair to be clean and I like to smell nice. It’s been a couple days since my last shower and I have now become quite accustomed to bathing with baby wipes and washing my face in the Walmart restroom. It honestly makes me laugh. I welcome the awkward and the uncomfortable. Life is much more joyful.

We are now on the final stretch of the tour. Our last stop is in Dallas, Texas. The closest I’ve been to Texas has been the airport, so I am rather excited to see a bit more of the state before I head home on Monday.

Special thanks to all of the truckers who put up with me running around the parking lot with my camera. Also, special thanks to the Flying J truck stop for providing me with the opportunity of purchasing this crazy wolf shirt that I am wearing today.

All Things are Possible

As of today, I have now been to the same amount of states as days I’ve been traveling.  Tomorrow will be a week since my trip first began.

Where am I now?  Wisconsin.

I had the lovely pleasure of dipping my feet into Lake Michigan in Kenosha this afternoon.  It was stress relieving to walk barefoot on the beach while shooting photographs.  Most of this trip has involved driving, so it was a nice change to get outside with my camera and unwind a bit.

As much as possible, I’ve been spending most of my alone time in silence.  It’s a refreshing change, bringing healing to my soul, after many months spent in a chaotic environment.

I am reveling in simply being present in His glorious presence, allowing His glory waves to remove the debris of yesterday.  Ever so gently, He reminds me of who I am and who He is.  He helps me to remember that I am never alone and that He is more real than the sand beneath my feet.

I close my eyes.

I wait.

I listen.

Holy Spirit, wash over me and remove everything that hinders my heart from hearing Your truth.

Lake Mich_Waves_9499

My heart comes back to life, as He reaffirms every dream found within me.  The deeper things that only He and I share.  And just as I begin to think I can’t dream any bigger, Heaven opens wide and I find myself being taken higher and higher.

Higher and higher into Kingdom reality.

Lord, the place where You dwell does not have a ceiling.  Teach me to live in Your Kingdom reality.  A place where all things are possible.

Wait. Listen. Respond.

Wait.

Invest a moment of your time to stop and . .  .

Listen.

He is always speaking, always moving.

And when He speaks . . .

Respond and

Act.

Take that next step.

He will meet you there.

We stayed in Fort Wayne, Indiana last night.  A friend of the band blessed us with a place to stay and a shower.  Yes, it was the best shower I have had in quite some time.  I feel like a woman once more. 😉  One of their dogs even randomly appeared and snored by my side all night.  It was just like being at home with Chad.

At this moment, the bus is headed to Chicago.  I am doing well, even with quite a bit of sleep deprivation.  God is here and He is good.

I told a five year old today that he needed to pray for me to have energy like him.  He prayed for me on the spot,

“Thank you, Jesus.  I ask you to give Stephanie a lot of energy.  Help her to also do a lot of silly things.  Amen.”

Grace for Today

By living with less, I’m finding abundant joy.

Each morning brings a fresh measure of grace to see me through the day [says the girl who hasn’t taken a shower in three days].

Years ago, I know this would have been a much bigger stretch for me, but I am thankful that God is giving me the opportunity to grow without my normal luxuries.

His grace has no bounds.

I’ve learned that good quality dry shampoo does wonders for my unwashed  hair [for the first few days], but today it is starting to get a little bit grungy.  Well, it is what it is at this point.  I will probably talk about my next shower for years.  It will be the best one I have ever had.  That said . . .

Compared to what I am watching the Lord do on this trip, my hair really doesn’t matter.

Also, I went into Walmart three times today and it didn’t even phase me.  If you know me, you know that even the thought of going into Walmart gives me anxiety.  Walmart is only okay if I plan it out and bring moral support.  Yes, I went into a Walmart in Dayton, Ohio this morning.  Three times.  Alone.

I am enjoying the simplicity and ever-changing adventure that comes with traveling to new places day after day.  This is the first time I’ve driven through this part of the states.  Today we drove through Ohio and Indiana to get back to Michigan for the band’s show this evening.  A lot of barns and corn.  It’s lovely and fun to shoot.  I’m a happy photographer-camper.

I have no idea where this journey is headed, all I know is that God is pouring out a tremendous amount of grace and endurance for me in the present.  Leaving my previous job was the best decision I could have made.  I feel so much lighter.

Lord, continue to lead me in this season.  Show me the path I need to walk.  Let my eyes stay fixed on You.  

Reveal to me Your righteousness, and let Your holiness take control of all that I am.  Let my thoughts, my words, my actions be aligned with Your Kingdom plans.

Guide me with Your peace, so that I will no longer be swayed by the circumstances surrounding me.  Holy Spirit, have Your way.

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

On the Road

I don’t know where this road will lead me, but I know that Your grace will be the light that guides my path. Awaken my heart, Lord, to Your Kingdom plans.

I am writing this post from a bus, as we head toward Cincinnati, Ohio. Last night I landed safely in Lansing, Michigan. Due to supernatural God-opportunities, I am on a brand new adventure with a team of wonderful people I met for the first time yesterday.

Friday was my last day at my full time job. I have closed that chapter and I am officially freelancing. God said it was time, and there is no other way to describe His confirmations other than supernatural.

So, now I am on a bus, heading over to Cincinnati, Ohio. Never in my wildest imagination would I have thought I’d be here a week ago.

I know, I know . . . I am being extremely vague. Few people know exactly what I am doing, but then again do I even know?

The gist of it is that I have an out-of-the-box job/ministry opportunity this month. I’m traveling in a shuttle bus converted into a tour bus, with a band that impacted me greatly when I was 18 years old.

Only God can open doors like this, and He did it when I became fully surrendered to walking straight into the unknown.

This road is far from easy, but my God is faithful. He is definitely keeping me on my toes.

Which Risk Should I Take?

I am standing at a crossroad very similar to one I stood at a couple years ago.  In less than a few weeks, I will be leaving my  current full time job and continuing on with my journey elsewhere.

My decision to resign was not simple.  My position includes my home, which meant I would need to find a new place to live.  It  meant I would not have a steady income and that I would need to find a new job.  I have also been on the cusp of burning out and it was almost too exhausting to even consider stopping and changing my life path right now.

That said, I realized that my health was on the line and I needed to take care of myself.  So, I gave my notice and felt completely at peace.  In that moment, it was as if a large burden fell off my back.  There was hope.

This place of employment was a stepping stone.  I found healing here.  I found people who I am proud to say have become part of my family.  I thank God for this season, but I also know that it is time for the next season to begin.

The peace I felt is still with me and so is a new excitement.  Thankfully, Chad [my dog] and I have a place to live during this transition, but I don’t know a lot beyond that.  I stand at this crossroad, asking myself,

Which risk should I take?

Do I go down the path I already know, and fall back on what I know I can do?  I could do that.  I know I could do that and get a job quickly.  I have experience and already have a lead or two.  This would be a risk.  Maybe I’d have more money, that would probably be true, but do I want to take this risk just for the steady income?

I’m learning that I don’t need as much as I thought I did.  In fact, I was a lot more joyful when I had less and was able to do the things I’m passionate about.

I expect to be scoffed at by some for saying things like this.  I’ve had people look at me [in the past] like I’m being irresponsible for not saying yes to the first job that opens up.  After all, that’s what we have to do, right?  Here’s the deal . . .

I’m twenty-six years old.  Life is only going to get more complex at this point.  I figure, if I don’t jump now, will I ever have the courage?  I see this open window of opportunity and it’s terrifying, but I know I eventually need to jump and see where it leads me.

Anyone who ever wound up doing what they are passionate about had to take crazy [and sometimes unpopular] steps to get there.  I know that in order to see my dreams come to fruition, I am going to have to put myself out there and start walking it out with God today.

I don’t have time to start tomorrow because tomorrow is always going to be out of reach.  Regardless of how nonsensical and out of the box it may seem to other people . . . is this the risk I need to take?

Money has always stood between people and their dreams, but I know that God is much bigger than money and my dreams combined.  I know that my first job is to listen to Him and follow His direction.  I’ve seen Him provide in supernatural ways, when I’ve had a steady income and in the seasons where I’ve lived from one day to the next.

I think I’ve made up my mind.

Which risk should I take?

I’m going for the path I haven’t yet taken.  I’ll take the risk to do what I was created to do.  The risk to do what I am passionate about, even if it means I have to face the unknown in the process.  After all . . .

“We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.”
― Max DePree

Moving with God and Allowing Him to Become Everything

In eleven days I will be adventuring back to Iceland.  Once again, I will be traveling with His Glory to the Nations to minister at a conference.  Our team consists of four members, and we are all thrilled to see what God has planned for our two week visit.  I intend on keeping you all updated with blog posts, photos, and videos.

Leading up to the day of our departure, as with any other trip, I have quite the list of things to get done before we leave on the 20th.  It’s been a combination of getting my house in order, starting to throw things into my suitcase, and buying those last minute items that I know I will need while I am away.  At the same time, I am making sure that I focus primarily on Spiritual preparation.

My heart is earnestly seeking the Lord for vision and insight into what is burning in His heart.  For the people we will be crossing paths with in Iceland, in the airports, as well as everywhere else I find myself in the next eleven days [it is good to stay in the present, regardless of how much excitement resides in the future].

What a good God He is.

How wonderful it is that He allows us to partner with Him.  This God who never changes.  This God who is always moving.  He doesn’t stop moving when we do.  He continually invites us to come along side Him and move to the rhythm of His heart.

I hear so many people say that it’s been a long time since God has moved in the way that they used to experience Him.  I hear so many who are weighed down because they don’t feel Him and He seems so far away.

We have songs, we have prayers, books, classes, movements, that promise an end result of some type of supernatural change.  How to get closer to God, how to hear His voice, how to know His will.  All of those things can truly enrich our walk and cause us to grow deeper in our relationship with God.  But . . . have we spent too much time and energy in our methods that we burn out before we ever make it to the actual Source [God]?

There is so much disappointment.

There is so much complacency.

I have seen these things in myself, which is why I am feeling the need to write these words.

It is easy to fall into the rut of when God moves, I will move rather than face the fact that we don’t control God’s movements.  He is always performing miracles, always rescuing people out of their pain, always moving, always loving,

always

being

Himself.

If something changes, we can know for certain we are the ones who have changed.  It is up to us to move with Him.

I am challenging myself to intentionally seek Him, as each new day begins,

“Lord, have Your way in me today.  I want to move with You.  I don’t care where I am or who I am with, I invite You to influence and impact every single second of this day.  Remind me of Your presence.  Let Your face always be before me.  Let Your words always be on my lips.  Open my eyes to see Your glory.”

I am not talking about walking away from God.  I am not talking about living a life of blatant disobedience.  I am talking about losing our wonder.  I am talking about getting sidetracked.  I am talking about those moments when we get so busy doing the things of God that we find ourselves falling asleep praying at the end of the day.

It is easy to get so busy and involved in our methods that we hardly interact with God.  In a world with so many voices, He needs to be the first voice that we listen for.

Someone once told me,

     “Don’t be hard on yourself, I bet it touched God’s heart that you fell asleep talking to Him.”

I’m not being hard on myself.

I’m saying that the end of the day shouldn’t be the first time we interact with Him.

Years ago, someone I loved treated me with an “I’m saving the best for last” mentality.  Often times, they would go about their day without taking the time to talk with me.  It would be very normal for me not to hear back from them until I was in bed and asleep.  I didn’t feel that I was “the best saved for last”.  I felt like I was one last item to check off the list.  When carefully confronting them on the matter, and expressing my feelings, I only received more excuses.

Excuses are easy.

I don’t want easy.

When I think about that scenario and apply it to my walk with God, it makes me want to throw my cellphone, my camera, my computer, and everything else, into the pond located near my house.

     Nothing else matters if I don’t have Him. 

I tell Him that often, but do my actions tell it to Him as well?

He is my first and last.

He is my beginning and  end.

He cannot even be a priority.  Priorities are ranked and numbered.  Priorities can be switched around, sometimes without us even realizing it at first.  He cannot be a priority.  He cannot be the best saved for last.

He needs to be all.

He needs to be it.

Everything.

The only way He can be our everything is if we know Him.  When we truly approach Him, and invest time into knowing Him, nothing will be able to keep us from seeking Him out more and more.  It is natural.  It is not a method.  It is not legalistic.  It is not fear-based.

It is totally

and completely

founded

upon

love.

“Fearless” and Some Other New Developments

It started with a couple sentences back in April.

On Thursday morning I woke up inspired with the rest,

and it became . . .

Fearless.

My original plan for Thursday was to stay in bed and sleep as long as possible.  I work at a year-round Christian camp, and we are currently in our busiest season.  So I am pretty much daydreaming about the next time I get to sleep.

Every single day.

But that changed when I woke up and instantly began to write down sentence after sentence.  I hadn’t even had my first cup of coffee before I latched onto the insane notion that I would then compose and record an audio track, film a video, edit it all together, and then release it on Saturday.  Mind you, I had to work Friday and part of Saturday.  It was slightly ridiculous.

Thankfully, I live for ridiculous.

Why did it have to be released on Saturday? Honestly, I could have released it a month from now, but I did it for myself.  Simply because I needed to.

Saturday was the day of my almost-wedding.  To those who have been quietly wondering since April, the wedding was called off.  I had my reasons.  Thank you, friends, for being supportive even without knowing all of the details.

To answer your next question, I am doing well.  Very well.  In the end, I am thankful that God is in control and that He is a good, protective Father.  And honestly, it has been around roughly seven years since I have met Single Stephanie.  I really like this for the moment.  After sorting through some things with the Lord for the past few months, I have emerged with some new standards, clearer perspective, a healthier view on my self-worth, and more peace than I have had in . . . . yes, seven years.

Besides working, I have been spending a majority of my time pursuing my passion for photography and furthering my experience in filmmaking.  I have big dreams regarding both and I am taking steps every day to experiment and challenge myself to go further.  If you are not yet friends with me on Facebook, I post a photo of the day on a regular basis.

I am also in the works of a new music project titled, Awakening.  Most of the songs were written while I was playing out in the streets of Portland.  It will be so different from anything I have ever released that I find myself slightly lightheaded at the thought.  I plan to write a few more songs to complete the album and I am determined to put out a promo video by the fall.

I cannot believe that we are already halfway through 2015.  So much has already happened, and there is still much more to come.  I am preparing to return to Iceland in September for another conference with His Glory to the Nations.  My heart has been longing to return ever since my first trip last year.  I am currently putting together a promo video for that as well.  [Yes, I have quite a few projects going on right now . . .]

That said, the projects won’t finish themselves.  😉  Be back soon . . .

New Chapters

     Oh, hello.  I’ve been back from Iceland for a few weeks now—in case you were wondering, I did come back to the US!  I’m sorry it took me so long to write an update.  I realize that I left you hanging for almost a month, but I have honestly been having trouble finding the words.  There were multiple occasions where I would sit down and try to force a new post into existence, until I came to the conclusion that I would give myself some time to breathe.

     My time in Iceland was life-changing.  I know that is something most people say when they return from a ministry trip, but this trip was unlike any of the others I have taken.  Since I graduated high school, I’ve had the honor of visiting over half a dozen different countries.  Each trip was significant, in its own way, and has had a huge impact on how I see the world around me, and how I live out my faith.

     When I say that going to Iceland changed my life, I mean that it literally changed my life.  I mean that there were areas in my heart that God healed in dramatic ways.  He gave me a new perspective of His heart for me and began to take me back to situations in my past and bring closure.

     Closure.  That seems to be my word at the moment.  And as He has been bringing healing and closure into the deepest places of my heart, He continues to take me close in His arms, and whisper gently,

      “Your heart has been hurt and I see that.  I want to make you whole.”

     I’m letting go of things, I now realize, I had been holding onto for too long.  (Lord, I release my grasp.  I was never in control of those areas anyway.)

     Old chapters end.  New ones begin.

     I’m learning to let Him treat my wounds immediately, rather than wait until they fester and grow.  And it hurts.  It hurts unlike anything I’ve felt at times, but the pain will only increase if left untreated.

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     The deeper I let Him work, the clearer my vision becomes.  The things that were once cloudy come into focus, and some of it, perhaps, begins to make sense.

     The life that is found in death.

     The beauty that is found in the broken.

     The “more” that God promises

     that He has for those who take the risk

     to love Him and to trust Him with everything.

     I’ve written more songs in the recent weeks than I have in the last year.  It has almost been as if I cannot breathe without releasing a new lyric.  They come from the area where deep calls unto deep.  They are my dialogues with the Lord.  They are the desires of my heart put into melodies.  That said, the album that I was planning on recording is going to be put on the shelf for now, but I believe I’ll still have something out by January . . .

     This is where I am.

     I write this with a smile, and with tears streaming down my face.  Even though certain changes of late have turned my world upside down, the goodness of God fills my heart with joy.  A joy that strengthens.

     So, my friends, I am continuing to walk this path with my Father.  We’re taking it one day at a time.  I don’t have any agendas, big plans or itineraries planned out for the next couple months, or even beyond that.  My first priority is to seek His face and to hear His heart.  I don’t want to walk a single step ahead of Him.  To those of my friends who live in California, feel free to hit me up.  Many of you have expressed the desire to hear more about Iceland, and I’d love to catch up with you over a cup of coffee or something.

     I’d also like to say thank you to those who have been loving on me through encouraging phone calls and messages.  You know who you are.  I’m blessed to have friends and family like you in my life.  So blessed.  I love you all very much.