Last week I decided the most productive thing for me to do was to eliminate as much of my daily “productivity” as possible. By abstaining from my photography, as well as spending less time on social media platforms, it is my hope to invest a majority of my spare time into the completion of the writing portion of my next album, Awakening. I am now on day 4 of this new resolution, and I have already seen a tremendous amount of progress.
So far, this decision has turned out to be a benefit to me on various levels. One of my biggest epiphanies of late has been simply how exhausted I am. Not only mentally but physically. It’s interesting how life can become so busy that we don’t realize just how tired we are until we stop. I work fulltime, so it’s not that I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands, but I have dramatically changed the way I spend my time between work and sleep.
I now spend my evenings sitting with my guitar, or at the piano, sometimes until I am ready for bed. Regardless of whether or not I am singing, or even playing a single note, I am determined to sit there and simply work through my own thoughts. For me, my main priority right now is to sort through the emotions that have surfaced based on recent events. It may not be a surprise that music has always been part of that process for me. Some of the songs that come out of this time will just be for the moment, between me and God, others may be found on the album.
I have been thinking a lot about regret and the difference between dwelling in the past and acknowledging it for what it is. Because of some of the things I’ve walked through, I have become fairly good at completely overlooking the past and staying positive. That is good, but there is another extreme that can become unhealthy. It is important that we take a moment to come face to face with our regrets and not bury ourselves in a place of avoidance.
The song I am currently working on is about this very subject. “Hello Regret” may sound like a depressing title for a song (especially a song that I plan on using as the final track), but it takes a look at the positive side of regret.
To forget is much higher of a price than regret. When we choose to stop avoiding the painful sting of our past mistakes, and even the mistakes of others, we set ourselves up to learn valuable lessons that will help arm us to make wiser decisions in the future. In the process, we will find that unhealthy patterns will be broken and the way we live our lives will change for the better.
The other night I took a break and went outside to look at the stars. This was the first time I’ve done so in a couple weeks, and since it was particularly clear out, I brought my camera with me. (Sometimes you really need to go outside in the dark, lie on the concrete, and feel the night air.)
I don’t care how tired or discouraged I am. Whenever I lie underneath a star-filled sky, my confidence is renewed and my sense of wonder begins to soar. In an instant, the ideas I have been processing, the vision that I have for this project suddenly feels possible.
So I am taking one step at a time. Attempting to be real, to be more vulnerable, and
to be myself.