After finishing ENOUGH, the spoken word short I released last month, I quickly embarked on a new project. I decided to create a music video for next month’s single, Down.
In the past, I’ve struggled heavily with being a people-pleaser. I’d go over the top to keep friends, boyfriends, and just about EVERYONE happy at the expense of my own well-being. The cost of letting them down and causing disappointed left me in a state of crippling fear, as if it were up to me to keep their world spinning.
After many years of unhealthy dependent relationships/friendships, I came to the conclusion that I could no longer carry the weight and burden of living in that way. A performer, a door-mat, I was dropping my own dreams to chase theirs. It nearly destroyed me. This mindset.
There were friends I had to walk away from for a season. It was awkward and uncomfortable. But I knew it was healthy for both parties to no longer live in that state of dependance. Maybe our paths would cross again, but for the moment…
I had to go down.
I had to go back to the beginning and find out who I was. Apart from anyone else. I had to find my identity entirely in God and in Him alone.
The only person I could take with me in that moment was myself. For so long, I tried hard to take others with me…but I realized I was doing all the work, which caused me to walk in circles.
If you want to be healthy and free, it has to be your choice. And if you are not free, you cannot begin to help others find freedom.
At first, it was lonely and awkward. But then I began to grow. I began to dig my roots in deep, firmly into a solid foundation. Some of the people, and things, I had to let go of for a season returned along the way, and many others never did. It’s sad at times, but now I know that the level of freedom I walk in cannot be determined by where other people are at in their journey.
As I grew, God began to teach me about healthy boundaries. He taught me how to use discernment with what types of influences I allowed in my inner circle. How to love people relentlessly, but also to not allow them to take advantage of my heart.
And that, in a nutshell, is what Down is all about. I’m excited to share it with you early next month! Check back soon.
“To go up,
we can’t plant
in the clouds.”