Change

What is change but another word for opportunity 

To see the world through a different lens

It’s not the end, but if it is

Let’s keep on living

A couple weeks ago(ish), I woke up at 2am and began to write out some thoughts (under my covers, on my phone, in order to not wake my sleeping husband).  The thoughts turned to song a couple days later, and thus became “Change”.

My recording studio was packed in boxes, as I sat on the floor with my laptop and keyboard.  I didn’t even have a mic stand accessible or my pop filter (which, for those who do not know what I’m talking about, is basically a shield that eliminates plosive “p” and “b” sounds, and any other little pops while I’m singing.).  So, I covered my mic with a piece of felt fabric and sang away. 😉

Change.  Life is full of change, of course.  Just a few months ago, I married my best friend.  I know that sounds cliché, but I mean it with all of my heart.  Marriage has been a wonderful change, even on the awkward and hard days of carefully navigating through brand new territory together.

I have learned a lot about myself during this time.  For example, it has been a great opportunity for me to open my eyes to more than myself (being in a relationship can really showcase your true colors and level of selfishness).  That is a gift, as long as I give in and allow God to continue to bring me higher.

    Look up, look past

Maybe it’s your last breath

Breathe it in

Breathe it in

Until then we’re just beginning

So, here we are.  It’s been a week since we moved into our second place of residence together (in our three-ish months of marriage).  When we first found out we had to switch houses, you can probably imagine that we weren’t exactly jumping off the walls with excitement.  We had to be purposeful in staying focused on the positive aspects of the sudden change.  At the end of the day, we were thankful not to be homeless and choosing to trust that God is looking out for us in every area of our lives.  Even when we are both exhausted from work and all of the other changes.

Just a few weeks before the wedding, we were seriously considering a rather big opportunity that had been offered to us in another state.  We were flown out and interviewed for positions that included amazing benefits for both of us.  As we got closer to the transition, we started to feel God move us in a different direction.

Many didn’t understand when we turned it down.  According to the world’s standards, we could have been quite comfortable in the long run.  But…we can’t live by the world’s standards.  We both knew where we needed to be, so we had to make a decision that lead to more unexpected change.

Less than an hour after making the call and turning down the opportunity, I was presented with devastating news.  If we were to go the direction that God was calling us, it would mean that I would not be able to keep my beloved pup.  The news shattered my world.  Michael could barely talk when he came to me and told me that when we got married we would not be allowed to have Chad with us.

One of the biggest joys of the last two years has been this wonderful black lab.  I adopted him after getting out of a very dangerous relationship.  He was a comfort to me during a time when I was having horrible night terrors and anxiety.  The little bundle of fur quickly grew into an amazing friend.

We have been blessed with housing at our place of employment.  I can’t go into all of the details, and I don’t need to.  All I know is that Michael tried everything, even offering to give up his dog so I could keep mine.  But his dog is a small breed and the company only has new policies regarding larger breeds.

I cried for two days.  And honestly, if someone asks me about the situation, I can barely talk about it without tears.

There’s no reason to wait for the days to get better

Even if the sun’s not shining

Breathe it in

Breathe it in

 Only family and a few friends have known about this change.  Because, frankly, it has been a difficult and painful adjustment.  When I first heard the news, I thought I was going to lose him forever, but a dear friend was willing to offer him a home during this season.

Every day I go to see Chad and take him for a walk.  I cannot begin to express how thankful I am that I get to still have him in my life.  Still, this change has been exhausting on many levels.  Waking up at 5am for an early shift and then going immediately across town to walk my dog has been tiring.  But it’s worth it…and I know God is taking care of me and him.  He waits for me at the door every day and greets me with his waggly tail and kisses.

I don’t understand any of this, but I have a choice to not give into anger and bitterness.  I have to choose to see this as the beginning and not the end.

I’m not saying

Pretend you’re okay

When you’re not better

Breathe it in

Breathe it in

Today’s a gift that we’ve been given

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s